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15 December 2010 @ 01:32 am
Child's Play  
Hmmmm, so I edited this somewhat, and I have been meaning to repost it here on heartbreakblue since... what? Forever? Probably.

Um, yeah, so I'm also working on a couple of longish-type SHINee fandom Onkey fics which I may or may not ever actually finish. I don't know. Sup, guys. How ya been?


Title: Child's Play
Fandom/Pairing: Big Bang, G-Dragon/Seungri
Length: 2359 words
Rating: R
Summary: This is the way it's always been. Jiyong makes the music. Seunghyun knows just how to sing it.






i. tell me it's all in my head

Friends. Best friends.

It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it, hyung?

Ah, maknae. You're really still talking...

—Best friends.

Sometimes Lee Seunghyun wonders if Jiyong even knows his name.

He hates this, this...something. He hates it, hates Jiyong for loving the thrill. But then, he hates Jiyong for a lot of things.

Why's he smiling like that anyway?

Actually, Seunghyun is smiling back. When did this happen? How'd he not—

Jiyong pats his knee. "Ah, don't worry, Seungri. You know I love all my younger members the same."

Seunghyun hates how that grin is dripping irony. He can't even remember what they were talking about now and—

"W-whatever," Seunghyun replies. He uses this opportunity to slide Jiyong's hand off his leg. "I know you give Daesung-hyung extra eggs when you cook breakfast." When he cooks. Kwon Jiyong could start boiling water on fire. Are they honestly discussing this?

"He steals them. Secretly!"

"Don't lie to me."

They grin the most beautiful hypocrisy.

This is the way it's always been. Jiyong makes the music. Seunghyun knows just how to sing it.

"I would never lie to you, Seungri yah." Jiyong hugs his arm dramatically.

Seunghyun pulls away, smiling. "Ah, hyung," he says with a note of finality, even though it doesn't really make sense and it's not really a reply at all. It's just that he can't concentrate like this. His bones are aching sadness.

But they—the two of them—they're smiling. Laughing. And it's calculated, in a way. Very careful not to look too happy. Or unhappy, Seunghyun deadpans in his head. Or— Jiyong frowns. Or— Jiyong shifts in his chair so he can lean his head on Youngbae's shoulder. Or, um...

"Next question," Jiyong is chirping. Chirping. For a moment Seunghyun wonders what kind of man would be caught dead doing something like...but he wonders only briefly.

"If you were a girl, which member do you think you would choose to date?" the PD asks graciously. Oblivious.

The wind changes. Well, they're indoors, so that doesn't really make...but, well, anyway.

Daesung suddenly can't decide what to look at, and Youngbae starts randomly gasping laughter into his sweatshirt sleeves, and Seunghyun(-hyung) is sitting up weirdly straight.

Jiyong only smirks, and Seunghyun (the maknae one, you see) only wonders. He can't help but wonder. After all, it's not like the others know anything about anything anyway, so this type of reaction doesn't make any sense.

Jiyong is quiet for a very long time until Seunghyun elbows him in the arm.

"Are you going to answer, hyung?" Seunghyun asks. He speaks while smiling.

But the look he receives in return is noticeably forced. "I was getting to it, maknae."

Seunghyun recoils. Rolls his eyes.

The PD looks between them in fascination, because he is stupid and doesn't know anything. "Yes?" he prompts.

"I apologize," Jiyong murmurs with a small bow, smiling politely. Then he sends a thumb jutting in Seunghyun's direction. "Seungri, I guess," he says, poking him in the ribs with a mischievous snicker.

Seunghyun, in turn, yelps a little and jerks away. It's overkill, really. Especially when they'd just been doing that suggestive bickering after the last question, but. Everyone's laughing. Jiyong's grin is slipping at its edges. Seunghyun's knuckles are turning white.

This is not a game.

The PD starts to ask why Jiyong chose little Seunghyun, but then Jiyong is already halfway out of the room, and he leaves some kind of strange electricity behind him.

The door closes with a proverbial slam.

Seunghyun (the rapper) tries to articulate what in God's name Jiyong thinks he's doing. Daesung starts laughing, awkward and loud, clutching at his stomach. Youngbae seems strangely overwhelmed, eyes shifting around, his smile puzzled.

Seunghyun (the singer) just lets out a laugh. "Man," he says lightly, "This atmosphere..."

Daesung's laughter tapers off quickly.

Seunghyun presses on, standing up, turning away, "He probably had to poop suddenly or something. I'll go get him."

They're all looking at him, suddenly.

The silence is deafening.





ii. wanna make it like ecstasy

He's huddled in a bathroom stall with his face behind his shirt sleeves and his knees pulled up to his chest. Just like a child.

"Hyung," Seunghyun says quietly, "you okay?"

No response.

He sighs, bends down slightly, leans his hands on his knees. His bangs are falling into his eyes. "Hyung, you know, we don't have to..." he trails off, tilting his head.

No response.

"Jiyong ah," Seunghyun attempts weakly. It sounds all wrong coming out of his mouth, and dishonest. He backs away and stands up straight and runs a hand through his hair. "We have to go back eventually. So are you okay or not?"

No response.

"Well. Just listen, then. Let's, like, lay off for a while, okay?"

No response.

What a stupid thing to say.

Jiyong hugs his knees in closer, ducks his head farther down, pulls himself into the smallest space possible.

He looks small enough to fit in Seunghyun's pocket, small enough to slip under his skin and disappear without a sound. But this is no time for wishful thinking.

"And I mean, if...things get too hard or whatever, you can always like, I don't know. But I'll be there, right?" Seunghyun says, if he has a choice. "And...well. God, I don't even know." He shuffles his feet nervously. "Honestly, are you dying or what?"

Then it's all in one swift movement and suddenly Jiyong is on his feet and pushing Seunghyun against the stall door so it flies shut with a deafening snap. He slams one hand against the plastic next to Seunghyun's head, uses the other to push the bolt into the lock. Seunghyun doesn't even have a chance to get a look at his face before there are lips on his and his mind goes dangerously blank.

They don't think. They just react. Jiyong flutters his eyelashes and Seunghyun becomes a hurricane.

Seunghyun can't think. He just reacts and reacts until he's got his hands on Jiyong's neck and his thumbs tucked in behind his ears, tasting his tongue like ocean water, and has to come up for air sometime and it's wonderful even though it's wrong, which they should know by now.

"Hey," Seunghyun finally manages to squeak, eyes open wide and sightless. Jiyong's mouth is on his throat. "Hey," he rasps again. He can feel his voice vibrating against Jiyong's lips. It makes him shake. He takes a deep breath, tries to keep his words steady. "You...what are you...Hyung."

For one moment, he feels that boy frozen in the nook of his collarbone.

Wait, one more.

"Sorry," Jiyong mumbles, dragging his chin up to rest on Seunghyun's shoulder. Yeah, yeah, he doesn't have to— "Sorry, maknae." His voice cracks that word into pieces.

"Jesus," Seunghyun laughs, pulling his arms tighter around Jiyong's shoulders.

And. And remember. He hates this.





iii. with every single beat of my heart

No one asks why Seunghyun's hair is a tiny bit ruffled or why Jiyong's eyes are red or why the last three buttons on his shirt are undone or why he's smiling so big or why his hands shake every time anyone gives him the mic. No one asks anything.

Not when they show up laughing and shoving each other through the door. Not when the rest of the interview goes by silk smooth. Not when Jiyong demands that someone give him a piggyback ride back to the van. Not when Seunghyun trudges across the parking lot growling something like, "Do me a favor. Lay off the cake," or when Jiyong laughs evilly and says, "You should be familiar with my sweet tooth by now, Seungri yah."

No one asks anything. It's a long ride home.





iv. just scream my name

They mutter tired goodnights to each other as they all but drag themselves into bed. It's been a long day, but it's not the first and it won't be the last. And that's okay. Really. They're lucky boys.

Seunghyun is half way into a dream about a singing bottle of shampoo and a one-legged puppy when he hears a whisper span the empty space in the room.

"'Ey, maknae."

Seunghyun doesn't answer.

Who was the genius who put them in the same room anyway? Whoever it was deserves nothing but a swift kick in the—

"Seungri!" Jiyong says, propped up on one elbow.

Seunghyun doesn't answer.

"Seungri yah," Jiyong intones quietly, "I know you're awake."

Seunghyun doesn't answer. He wonders absently how Jiyong would react if he were to get up and tiptoe across the throw rug and climb in under those blue and yellow blankets and just stay.

"I can feel it when you're thinking about me, kid. The jig is up."

Seunghyun doesn't answer. He wonders how it is that he can taste that smile like sea salt on his tongue.

"Seungri."

Seunghyun doesn't answer.

"Seungri."

Nothing.

Jiyong sighs, "Seungri."

Sometimes Seunghyun wonders if Kwon Jiyong even knows his name, but he wonders only briefly.

"Hey, come on, Lee Seunghyun, I'm serious—"

"What."

Jiyong falls out of his bed.

Seunghyun has to bite his wrist to muffle the laughter. "You okay, hyung?"

There is a groan. "I think I just broke my face, man." Groan, groan.

"Want me to kiss it better?" Seunghyun suggests, leaning over the edge of his own bed.

Jiyong stops groaning long enough to prop himself up on his elbows and smirk coyly. For a moment, he considers the blue-white light glinting off of Seunghyun's smile.

"Maybe just a little," he says.

"Noted," is the reply, accompanied by a yawn. Seunghyun settles back against his pillow and closes his eyes.

"Tease," Jiyong mutters. He flattens his spine against the floorboards, hands behind his head.

The sarcasm hits a little too close to home

This is not a game.

After a few moments' silence, Jiyong tries tasting that name again. "You know what, Seunghyun ah?"

"What?"

"My face is starting to feel better already. What are you imagining, exactly?"

"Excuse me?"

"I told you already. I can feel it when you're thinking about me."

"You're completely delusional," Seunghyun says.

But, no, Jiyong is not completely delusional.

"Then you must be completely stupid for wanting such a delusional sort of guy," Jiyong says bitterly. A moment later, he is laughing, kicking his feet into the dark air, delighted by his own suggestion.

Seunghyun stays still and murmurs, "Just get back in bed, hyung."

The laughter stops.

It's not so much what Seunghyun is saying but how he's saying it, sort of careful, like he's asking for it. Everything about this is wrong. He should know that by now.

Jiyong takes hold of Seunghyun's arm, which is conveniently positioned on the edge of his bed, just like so, and Seunghyun comes flying out of his bed along with half of his blankets.

"Ow, hyung," he says. "Ow." He rubs his neck with a reluctant smile.

"A little friction never hurt anyone," Jiyong tells him.

"What—"

"What?"

This is not a game.

Seunghyun hardly has the chance to react before he feels Jiyong's fingers toying with the drawstring on his sweatpants, brushing over dangerously low abdominals.

"Hyung..."

"Listen," Jiyong interrupts distractedly, thumbs fumbling over the knots in the string, "Just give me ten minutes."

Seunghyun eyes him warily. This is a very bad idea. Does this even count as an idea? Ten minutes. Ten minutes, says Kwon Jiyong, famous for tardiness. Yes, this is a very bad idea— Jiyong lets out a soft noise of success as the tie comes loose, and then he's already working the waistband down past his hips, knees, ankles, and Seunghyun isn't stopping him anyway. This is so fucking typical— Ten minutes?

"Eight," Seunghyun says.

The grin that crosses Jiyong's face is unholy at best.

And that eight minutes turns into ten turns into twelve turns into twenty turns into don't stop with zero gravity and muffled noises between the blankets turns into five AM and the sun poking up above the rooftops and whispered good mornings and long limbs everywhere, tangled on the floor.





v. can't take it no more

Friends. Best friends. What beautiful bullshit that is.

Seunghyun can't even breathe.

"Jiyong ah," he says.

It takes him a moment to remember more than just that one night and suddenly he's almost in tears. This is sickening.

"I mean, um, hyung?"

Seunghyun sits up, alone in the middle of all these blankets they pulled off their beds, sticky.

"Yeah, maknae?" Jiyong is leaning against the bookcase, like a reminder, sweetness in the sunlight.

"You're... dressed."

Jiyong grins. "Why, Seungri, you say that like it's a good thing."

It's not what Seunghyun wants to hear, especially when he's trying to fend off the memory of what that smile felt like against his heart.

This is not a game.

They sit in silence until Jiyong suddenly seems to remember something and throws a fresh t-shirt and pair of boxers into Seunghyun's lap with a small laugh.

Seunghyun looks down at these items, furrowing his brow, before he begins.

Then, "Look, hyung—"

"Hey, hey," Jiyong interrupts him, "I got my ten minutes, didn't I?" His eyebrows move up and down a few times.

Seunghyun laughs in spite of himself, fingering the edges of the fabric.

This is not a game.

This is not a game.

This is not a game.

They should know this by now.

"Friends?"

The word is stumbled over, clumsily set loose into the tense air around them.

"Best friends." Seunghyun's voice sounds like sandpaper.

It has a nice ring to it, at least.

"Anyway, get dressed," Jiyong says. "I'm making breakfast."

Seunghyun frowns. "Hyung, you'll gonna kill us all."

"Aw, don't worry, Seunghyun ah." Jiyong gives him a big smile. "I'll save some extra eggs, just for you."

And the rest they'll figure out later.


 
 
 
★ it costs too much to love ★: seungri { big bang }unactivist on December 15th, 2010 02:09 pm (UTC)
And. And remember. He hates this.

that line is so fucking perfect, omg. ♥________♥

i love how you wrote this, painting in seungri's thoughts like a background of sorts and morphing seungri practically into jiyong like they can't even exist without each other but only end up hurting the more they try. ;~; i am honestly in love with this, sfm. :')
he would've taken me to the zoo: stock;; let goplastics_bank on December 15th, 2010 06:16 pm (UTC)
He looks small enough to fit in Seunghyun's pocket, small enough to slip under his skin and disappear without a sound. But this is no time for wishful thinking.
this is so beautiful and angsty in all the right ways. I miss this kind of gri ♥

I love that I couldn't figure out whose thoughts I was reading and how seungri can't say no to jiyong and jiyong can't keep his hands off seungri. they are dysfunctional and you showcased it perfectly.
♛ masaya ☮♥♫: jiri me <3 youpeligr0 on December 15th, 2010 11:39 pm (UTC)
I REMEMBER THIS! lol, one of my fave gri fic of yours ever :). one of those fics that never gets old XD.

there's not a lot of gri fics these days so it's been awhile since i read one and this made me fall in love with gri again ♥.

and oh, it did got better ♥. i love this.
+Meg: His Only Sunshine Girl+: bigbang // 2parkchoongjae on December 16th, 2010 03:47 pm (UTC)
omg. you are back.
omg. i missed you fics.
this is my first ever GRI fic. i fell in love with GRI after this fic seriously. waaaah. i love this edited version. much more dramatic. haha.

write more? :D
Seaman was a great dog, look it up.seamanthedog on April 17th, 2012 01:15 am (UTC)
Love this so much. Love how it's a push and pull of want and can't want, of friends and more than friends, and can't be more than friends without the best friends getting in the way, if that makes any sense. It was great loved it.